i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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