my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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