we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
