That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
