I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
