dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
