he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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