I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
