"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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