This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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