Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
