I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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