Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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