If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
