why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
