he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
