i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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