Im at strip club and am horny
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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