I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
please come you make the beer taste better
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
