based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
