I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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