why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
