If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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