I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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