Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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