I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
