I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
