I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
