We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
