so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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