Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
