im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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