third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
