i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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