I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
