the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
