it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
