I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?