Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
another moral hangover. fuck.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
