the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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