im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
