I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
