He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
