He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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