i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
