Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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