I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
