It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
