I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
