In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
