She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
