All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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