my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
