he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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