Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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