I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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