I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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