If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
