im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
