His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
