so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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