I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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