wakey wakey hands off snakey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
