I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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