Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
