He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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