My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
