can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
