I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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