i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
