I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
