i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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