Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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